‘Sadhana’ simply means spiritual daily practice.
I have always felt resistance to having a daily practice of anything. In fact, I used to take pleasure in how un-routine my life was. Mundanity, ritual and monotony were the enemy; no day was ever the same and I loved it that way.
I thrived on uncertainty, diversity and variety – it is what got me through the days when I worked in a salesy corporate job in an life-less office environment I despised (i.e. ‘hmmm which route should I run to work today?’, ‘I wonder who will I shag tonight?’, ‘coffee, tea or vodka?’).
A daily practice of yoga, meditation or anything worthwhile annoyed me. Besides if I wanted to practice it I wanted it sporadically and if it wasn’t spontaneous, it was routine, which was so…blah.
Since my extended play-time dancing with my shadow self during my singledom days (her name is ‘Roxy’), I realised that this resistance is in fact the reason WHY I SHOULD have a daily practice, whereit be yoga, meditation, prayer, affirmations, gratitude or self pleasuring.
More on that soon…
What is ‘Sadhana’ in Kundalini Yoga terms?
In Kundalini Yoga we are required to practice a daily sadhana (practice of yoga, meditation and chanting), either in a group or individually, to:
- Connect to and remember our soul nature
- Clear our consciousness
- Relate to the infinity within – our higher self
- Gain clarity around the purpose of our life
- Cultivate more wisdom, commitment and consistency
- Tune up our nervous system
- Honour our physical bodies, our sacred temple.
Yoga Bhajan, master of Kundalini Yoga in the Aquarius Age, says this about Sadhana:
“It’s a committed prayer. It is something which you want to do, have to do, and which is being done by you. … Sadhana is self-enrichment. It is not something which is done to please somebody or to gain something. Sadhana is a personal process in which you bring out your best.”
And that’s the key thing that I now realise about Sadhana – it is designed to bring out the best in us.
In Kundalini, our Sadhana is ideally meant to take place in the ‘ambrosial’ hours of the morning, two and half hours before sunrise, when the sun is at a 60 degree angle to the earth. This is when it’s easiest to meditate as there is less hustle and bustle and it’s the most quiet time of the day.
For me personally, I have always struggled with this idea of fumbling around in the dark in the morning to chant and move my body in weird ways, so I do my practice anytime of day that suits me best (yep, I still have that little rebel fisting pumping away for her freedom!). Besides, Yogi Bhajan says that any time of the day is OK as long as it takes place, as, either way it will benefit you.
So, what is a ‘Sensual Sadhana’?
I am currently involved in the Self Pleasure Revolution movement for women. My dear friend Elise Savaresse from The Juicy Life, who I met synchronistically at a Jade Egg workshop in Bali last year, is facilitating an online 21 Day Self Pleasure Challenge for women to partake in and share their experience (the next one starts on June 6, 2015…so get in quick for early bird price).
First of all, what an absolute champion of a woman! An entrepreneur (with the sexiest french accent I have ever heard…in my life) who saw something that was deeply, deeply needed for women to connect to themselves sexually. A nice little niche!
Secondly. YES. I believe we all need a daily sensual sadhana – a way we can connect to ourselves. Not just a yoga or meditation practice, but a SELF PLEASURE practice. And they say it takes 21 days to make a new habit, don’t they?
A Sensual Sadhana is a daily practice of sensual pleasure dedicated to self love. In my opinion, self pleasure is the most direct means to experiencing self love, as you are literally MAKING LOVE to yourself.
Sensual Self-Pleasure is your connection to this most primary of your sexual relationships – the one with yourself. It is the doorway to deeper erotic connection with the self and other. Besides, how can we expect someone else to know how to pleasure is if we don’t know how to do it ourselves?
‘How we “do ourselves” can show us so much about who we are sexually, where our joy lives, how to access it and how to become better and better lovers to ourselves, others, and the earth.’ – Victor Warring and Elena Zubulake.
I use the word sensual since pleasure can be experienced in a variety shapes, sizes and senses – sound, sight, smell, touch and taste – all of which can be ‘sexual’ in nature. Heck I can orgasm in my sleep, from someone’s voice on the phone (without touch), or from my hair being brushed (seriously, I will love you forever if you play with my hair).
Self pleasure doesn’t have to be you vigorously rubbing your clit for 20 minutes to get off, or watching girl-on-girl porn whilst using a giant, latex cock with a vibrating rabbit on top (mmm, this used to make me feel so good but so dirty!).
A sensual sadhana can be as simple as:
- A sensual breast massage whilst in the bath tub.
- Lubricating and moisturising your entire body with coconut oil (ha, this turns me on in itself!).
- Brushing your hair whilst standing naked in front of the mirror.
- Observing your Yoni in the mirror and looking and touching it in places you never have.
- Eating grapes and enjoying every singe moist mouthful.
- Using a crystal wand inside you and not expecting an orgasmic goal, just doing it to infuse more love within you.
- Wearing a Jade Egg for the day and infusing it with an intention.
- Doing a Kundalini Yoga practice and allowing your sexual energy to penetrate your entire body and Chakras.
- Reading an erotic novel and touching yourself whilst reading it (it’s OK to fantasise – it has a time and place)
- Lathering yourself in essential oils (grab some beautiful Doterra blends here)
You get my gist…
So how can you make Self Pleasure ‘spiritual’?
In my world, anything can be orgasmic.
In my world, pleasure is your birthright.
In my world, spirituality is anything that connects you to a deeper, more conscious, higher vibration of YOU.
The reason I don’t simply call it a ‘masturbation’ or ‘solo sex’ is because it’s more than that.
Sexuality and spirituality are deeply linked and connected. In fact a lot of clients comes to me with ‘sexual dysfunction’, when in fact it’s just the tip of the iceberg and they have a full blown spiritual awakening knocking at their door.
Our body is infinitely wise and gives us signs all the time, sexual signs being one of them! Yup, I’m talking about warts, herpes, chlamydia, lack of erections, unwanted erections, no wetness, a lot of wetness, itching, throbbing, thrush, cists etc. You name it – it is a SIGN that something is going on, on a deeper level, and we are urged to listen to this guidance! Ask your body…’what are you trying to tell me?’ It might be as simple as: ‘take it easy and be more gentle on yourself’, ‘drink more water’, ‘your immune system is down’, ‘stop sleeping around’, ‘get more quality sleep’, ‘love yourself more!’.
I regress. So, back to my point…How to transform your flicking-the-bean under the doona into a spiritual practice? Well, a spiritual practice is pure; it brings you closer to ‘God’ or your connection to source; it’s growth-induced; a moving meditation and a means for reaching your full potential. It makes you radiate, and glow. It makes you feel light and happy and juicy. It empowers you. Fill you up. Makes you feel warm and fuzzy.
Reclaim your eroticism. KLIMT Gustav 1907-8 (1862-1918)
And, besides why can’t self pleasure be all this?
Your Sexual Sadhana can be anything that makes you feel sensual, erotic, sexy, gooey, yummy, juicy, loved, luscious, delicious and connected.
A Peak Inside my own Self Pleasure Practice
I believe it’s essential for everyone to have a daily sensual sadhana; one that keeps you vibrant, full of vitality, radiant and shining on the inside and outside.
And self pleasure looks different for every person.
Speaking personally (and frankly) my sensual sadhana changes every day.
When I was single and acting out of my shadow unhealthy feminine space, my self pleasure practice was kinky and naughty. I would watch porn, use vibrators, bullets, utensils, anything that was a phallic shaped and turned me on. I would even put on a show for my sexy neighbour by accidentally leaving my window open. I had a huge sex drive, and it was quite ‘unhealthy’ upon reflection, but no judgement passed. I would usually connect in with some kinky fantasy like a student/teacher scenario, or my boss, or someone I probably shouldn’t have been thinking about. The naughtier the better. Actually come to think of it, I would often cry, feel shame and guilt after self pleasuring. To be honest I couldn’t even call it ‘self pleasuring’….it was more like ‘self loathing’ upon looking back.
When I was single and in my healthy feminine, my daily practice was self pleasuring using my own fingers, my Jade Eggs or my Rose Quartz Crystal Wand. Sometimes I would still incorporate a fantasy (my current boyfriend visited me out of the blue in a self pleasing session…before I met him!), other times I would simply feel the sensation of the pleasure. This practice was void of a goal or needing to climax; I simply did it to connect with my self, through my luscious pleasure centres by using precious stones from the earth or from my little fingers. I would also make up Doterra Oil blends and mix with coconut oil and rub into my body after showers or before practicing yoga.
Fast forward to now, and I have a partner who I sensually connect with daily, so my sensual pleasure is a mixture of him pleasuring me and me pleasuring me. We practice tantra so I feel in a constant orgasmic state most of the time (except for when I don’t…and as a red blooded moody woman this goes up and down haha). In saying this, I always make time for me to connect with ME in some way, shape or form, and when I don’t do this for a few days I feel lost and frustrated. This is how I know it’s crucial I connect with myself as much as I can…so I don’t lose myself.
What other women say about their Sensual Sadhana
A sensual sadhana is removed of social conditioning, guilt and shame and is not goal oriented. Every woman’s self pleasure daily sadhana is completely unique and different for her.
Here are a few to shed some light on what other women do to pleasure themselves:
“I connect to my Yoni most days. For me self pleasure is essential. I have so much sexual energy, and because I am currently single I feel it’s in my best interest to embody being my own lover”.
“For me it began with honouring my heart, acknowledging I need to gift as much pleasure to myself as I do others, most of all identifying the difference between masturbation & self pleasure, I began to embody breathe work, as I thought this would be a gentle way to wein me into this conscious realm, however turned out it gifted me some of the most pleasurable experiences I have encountered.The breath-work has allowed me to be fully present, disconnect from my mind & open me to a ridiculous amount of sensations flowing & residing within my whole body that I also never noticed. I have gotten creative, experimenting, with no real method or knowledge, sensual arousing sacred touch, my hands, fingertips, exploring my own body, in safe spaces around my home, I’d light candles, just for myself, I’d have my healthy masculine take my healthy feminine on a date, I’d create my own world, that made me feel safe, safe enough to wonder parts of my physical I’d never explored, I introduced crystals, yoni wands, Water, different spaces, I then practiced walking around naked alone, I have never been confident being naked until now, I’d get a kick out of walking outside naked, the air on my skin, was pleasure, I can’t believe I’ve been missing out on this relationship with myself for this many decades, I love to infuse my body with essential oils, elevating the warmth and cellular vibration, I adore making love to myself as I dress, wear sheer & sacred fabrics on my skin, I treat myself with random, pleasure everyday, dance, meditation, but reclaiming my body and activating self pleasure for me all begins with breath, a sacred spaced infused with love and the rest is up to my healthy masculine, to make love to me and guide me to self pleasure experimenting”.
“I like to explore in my self pleasure practice by using a mirror. This helps me reach the sexual space where I can ejaculate and fully release and let go.”
“I self pleasure in the bathroom at work, in the shower, in bed, in nature, wherever and whenever I feel the inspiration to serve and workship my Yoni. We have an incredible relationship these days!”
“I love floating around the house by wearing what I love and playing ‘Goddess dress-ups’. This brings me more into my feminine and allows me to relish in my deliciousness. By embodying the Goddess at home in my safe space, it allows me to feel more courage in stepping out in the world and being my authentic self. After each shower I dry myself, stand in front of mirror and take five big belly breaths into my hara, loving my body just the way she is. I then ground myself by breathing my energy down into the Earth and back up to my Star Chakra. I also have a gorgeous chair in bathroom where I can sit and rub oil all over my body after my shower and give myself breast massage. I also treat my bedroom as a sanctuary, and as a single Mum, I like to step into my boudoir, light some candles and read a book or play with my essential oils and crystals. Every week or fortnight I also give myself foot reflexology!”
“Everyday without fail (when I’m at home that is) I have a long hot shower before I jump into bed. Then I apply lots of delicious body butter. Once a week I’ll do a full body scrub beforehand. .. It’s a little ritual that Always makes me feel sexy and sensual and really feminine.”
“Being sensual to me, is being connected to my body, listening to her wisdom and allowing Shakti to move through it freely. ‘Shakti is she who cannot be contained,’ the radiant & sacred feminine life force that lives inside us all. Giving myself time and space to feel, connecting to the mother energy within me, breathing, dancing around, moving my sensual hips, self pleasuring are all a must for me to keep myself ecstatically awakened!’
On a final note from Yogi Bhajan…
Develop a regular sadhana and you take control of your life. Develop a deep sadhana and you open the doors of experience. Commit to meet your higher Self each morning and your decisions and your life become original; your life will bear the signature of your soul; your radiance will express the meaningful intimacy of the Infinite in each moment. Immerse yourself in the joy of victory that comes from starting each day with a powerful sadhana and every challenge becomes opportunity.
Bertrand Neuman (1967, Belgian)
Happy Self Pleasuring!