Although it is common and completely normal to find other people attractive, it becomes a problem if you allow these thoughts and urges to turn into action. Cheating is one of the most disrespectful, hurtful actions a person can do to their partner.
If you are finding yourself fantasizing about another person or taking steps toward crossing the line, here are some ways you can avoid the urge to cheat.
1. Consider the Root Cause
If you are thinking about cheating, it is important to take a deep look at where the temptation may be stemming from. Consider asking yourself the following questions:
- Is your partner fulfilling your needs (emotionally, mentally, sexually)?
- Have you always struggled with commitment?
- Has your partner cheated on you (if so, make sure this isn’t a form of revenge)
- Are you struggling in your relationship?
- What are some of the problems in your current relationship?
- What about the other person attracts you? What kind of connection do you have? A physical attraction, emotional, a mix of both?
2. Think About What Will Happen If You Cheat
I am a big advocate of being present in the moment, but there are exceptions. In terms of cheating, it is important to consider the future outcome of your actions.
Consider asking yourself questions like these and diving deep into the answers:
- What will happen after you fulfill your fantasy?
- Would this be a one-time fling or on-going affair?
- How do you think your partner will react and feel?
- How do you think you will feel after you cheat?
- How might this affect the other person’s life? Are they in a relationship too? Do they have a family?
- What is at stake? A marriage? Kids? Obviously, certain situations have more to lose than others.
- How would it feel to break up with your current partner over your choice to cheat?
If you ask yourself the last question and realise you would be relieved to end things with your partner, you may need to consider breaking things off. It is far better to end things upfront versus going behind your partner’s back and cheating.
3. Invest Energy In Your Current Relationship
If your urge to cheat comes from a lack of excitement in your current relationship, commit to rekindling the connection with your partner. Willingness to work on your current relationship and rebuild that excitement and bond that made you connect with your partner in the first place can give you a positive outlet to pour your energy into.
Try talking with your partner about the fun ways you used to spend time together, what made you fall in love with each other in the first place, and how to communicate better. Rather than using energy to think about someone else, direct this energy into your relationship and commit to reconnecting with your partner.
4. Avoid Putting Yourself in Tempting Situations
This may be one of the most crucial steps to take if you want to avoid cheating: Do not put yourself in tempting situations.
Often, cheating doesn’t start with some steamy night with a stranger out of the blue. It starts with small smiles exchanged, rearranging your work schedule so you end up spending extra time with this person, making a point to run into them, checking what they are up to on social media, seemingly innocent text messages checking in, and so forth.
It is essential to shut down any situations that make it easier to grow closer to this person or give you the change to cheat.
Examples of situations that enable cheating would be:
- Agreeing to stay late even though it means it will just be you and your co-worker that you have been fantasizing about
- Going out to lunch with a crush, meeting up at the gym, taking a walk together, checking in with each other
- Meeting with your interest in any one-on-one setting
- Going out of your way to meet this person and spend time with them
- Communicating with them unnecessarily
It is crucial to take any crushes or connections seriously, especially if you are forced to spend a lot of time with this person (i.e. a coworker). If you find yourself feeling sparks around this person, thinking about them often, following them on social media, or wanting to spend even more time with them, it may be time to put a stop to any situations that allow these feelings to develop further.
It is especially important to avoid any one-on-one time together and eliminate any situations where temptation would be high and the ability to cheat would be easy. If possible, unfollow them on social media, avoid any unnecessary communication, and stay away from any situations that would enable cheating.
If your urges are too strong, it may be best to cut ties off completely if at all possible or end your current relationship.
Situations where contact cannot be cut off completely (someone in your social circle, your partner’s best friend or sibling, a coworker, etc.) can be especially tricky. In situations where you cannot avoid spending time with this person, extra vigilance is required. Be conscious of how you interact with this person, the signals you send out, the energy you put off, and shut down any flirtatious advances.
5. Ask Yourself What Cheating Will Accomplish
There are two significant questions to ask if you are tempted to cheat:
- What will I gain from cheating?
- What do I need from my current relationship that I am not getting?
Take the time to stop and think about each of these questions and answer them honestly.
6. Ask Yourself What You Need
Find out the ways you feel most connected to your partner and come up with ways to make these happen more. Do you need more physical touch? More sex? More spontaneity? More compliments? More of an effort from your partner (in the bedroom, around the house, etc.)? More adventures together? More of an emotional connection?
Being extremely clear on what your relationship is lacking and what you need can help you identify areas that need attention. Ask your partner what they need as well.
7. Be 100% Honest With Your Partner About Your Temptation
Admitting your temptations to your partner may sound like a recipe for disaster, but it is crucial to be upfront and honest about your urges. It may surprise you that this step holds a great deal of potential for bringing you and your partner closer, enhancing your trust, and strengthening your relationship.
While your partner will understandably be hurt by your admissions, they may also be extremely appreciative of your honesty and willingness to be completely transparent and upfront with them. It shows you care about the relationship enough to want to try to preserve it.
It also opens up the chance for communication to occur regarding areas in the relationship that need attention and work. There’s a good chance you aren’t the only one noticing some issues that need to be worked on or feeling unfulfilled in a certain area.
Looking For More Love and Sex Advice?
If you are looking for more tips on truly loving yourself, taking control over your feminine power, self-pleasure, or improving your relationships, please feel free to reach out to me, join my private Facebook page (where no topic is off limits), or check out my blog.
Wishing you insightfulness, strength, and self-love!