Why I had to say NO to a client…
I had an interesting experience during the week which I feel called to share.
And the reason I wanted to share this with my tribe is…
>> To give you permission to say no to something that is not a f*ck yes.
>> To inspire you to look within next time you’re erring on the side of caution.
>> To invoke the strength and courage from deep within you to change a situation that is not ideal (yep, you hold that power!).
>> To listen to those glaringly obvious red flags and alarm bells, which are sometimes more like internal whispers or humms.
So.
As you know I teach Nude Yoga.
I teach nude women’s workshops, couples yoga, ecstatic dance parties (with my boo — check out the amazing feedback from our recent Naked Yoga Ecstatic Dance party here), hens parties, birthday parties and private 1:1s.
I LOVE teaching nude 1:1 yoga sessions with women as I feel it allows them more time, space and undivided attention to settle in, unfurl, relax, surrender, shed and allow whatever needs to come through, to come through.
I love them so much that I decided to open up my offerings to 1:1 nude yoga sessions with men.
Daring, yes.
Risky, perhaps.
However, I believe that the work that I do should not be exclusive of men. I feel that nudity and nude-positive events or workshops should be available to everyone. I have also received many an email from a single male asking why I don’t teach workshops for them too, or at least mixed nude yoga classes.
And, well, the truth is…I’m not 100% ready to dive into that. And that’s my boundary.
{In admitting this now…I actually taught my first nude yoga to a mixed group of people at our most recent Bare Your Soul Naked Ecstatic Dance party…and it was incredible — so I am slowly easing myself into the mixed nudity scene, which is a completely different dynamic than women’s or couples nude yoga.}
Unfortunately, a lot of women don’t feel completely comfortable or safe in letting go with men in the room (sorry dudes, thousands of years of rape, shaming and injustice towards women will take a little longer to counter-balance — although I am trying to fast-track that through the work that I do).
Nevertheless, in the name of normalising nudity, creating equality amongst the sexes and culling the objectification of women I felt called to dip my toe into the water and run a few 1:1 nude yoga sessions with men.
So I did a few.
And they were AMAZING!
I didn’t feel creeped out.
I didn’t feel objectified.
I didn’t feel perved on.
It felt natural and normal, and I really enjoyed helping them work on their body-image perception and their yoga practice; it felt empowering and effortless.
Until…
A recent client.
Despite feeling a little uneasy about his energy and his intention for wanting to try Nude Yoga I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
Until a few minutes into the session…I felt overwhelmingly uncomfortable.
Violated.
Perved on.
And just overall…icky.
This does not portray him as a bad person, as I am sure he is a beautiful man, however Nude Yoga was not for him…and in that moment it wasn’t for me either.
I tried, tried, tried to create a beautiful, honouring, safe space, however the client has to come to the party as well.
It’s not just about the energy I bring to the session, but also about the energy they bring. It’s a two-way process.
The same goes in a class or a workshop — if someone is off…you can just feel it (and just like a piece of rotten fruit influences all the other fruit in the bowl, similarly this happens in a collective group).
So in that moment, I pulled my sarong up and politely asked him to leave as I felt uncomfortable.
I expressed that I felt he was looking at me in a…sexualising way, which is not the intention of Nude Yoga (in fact, quite the opposite).
Saying NO felt like the hardest thing in the world to vocalise in that moment in time.
All these thoughts were coming up, like…
“He is a paying client, Rosie, you can’t just kick him out”.
“You’re already too far in now, you might as well finish the session”.
“Maybe it will get easier. I’m sure he will stop staring at your tits. Just stick it out”.
I felt panicked and flustered. All these thoughts flashing through my consciousness disappeared in an instant when I had this, very loud and very clear saying from one of my teachers enter my mind:
YOUR NO IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN HIS YES
Let me repeat that…
YOUR NO IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN HIS YES
Or anyone’s YES for that matter.
And let’s face it: If it’s not a f*ck yes. It’s a no.
So, although it was tough to reject a client that I could have healed, guided or helped on his journey, I know that sometimes saying NO is actually the lesson, and that you may not be that persons teacher.
The long and the short of it is this: Nude Yoga isn’t for everyone.
Not everyone is ready for that level of openness, vulnerability and rawness. We have been conditioned for so many years to consider a naked body as “sexual”, and unwiring that is going to take a while.
Accordingly, I suggested he find a (clothed) meditation or yoga class to ease his stresses and nerves, which were very apparent.
I believe this experience will help him grow as well. To honour a woman’s boundaries. To not mess with the sacredness that is Nude Yoga. And to fully learn more about the power of intent.
I learnt a lot about my strength, my boundaries, my ‘yes’s and my no’s’, and my courage to speak my truth…despite worrying what another might think, feel or experience.
So although I won’t be rushing back into 1:1 nude yoga sessions with men anytime soon, this was a powerful teacher for me to listen to my gut instinct.
This message is very timely and potent for anyone working in the field of coaching, tantra, self development, bodywork or the healing arts. Just because someone reaches out, doesn’t mean you are the coach for them, or they are the client for you. Remove your ego from the situation or your desire for money. Sometimes a 15 minute conversation over the phone or a coffee catch up is necessary to assess whether the dynamic is beneficial for both parties. Use your discretion and your intuition and be guided by your heart sensory system.
I would love to hear in the comments below if you have had an experience with this before and how you have said NO, and how that made you feel.
Sat Nam.
Rosie x
P.S: On the topic of boundaries, here is another blog I have written on your Empowered YES and Authentic NO in relation to sexuality.
