Have you abandoned your Yoni?
When we disconnect from our Yoni, or let’s say our “Sacral Chakra”, we disconnect from our life force.
When we are in touch with our flow of sexual energy and creative energy (it’s the same thing), we feel alive, vibrant and radiant. Even before I knew anything about Kundalini energy, I knew when someone was or wasn’t in touch with their sexual energy. School teachers were the most obvious example! Often my teachers in school were elder, overweight, grumpy, divorced women who had a strong belief in Christ (and therefore likely a lot of shame around sexuality). I would often pray for them to get a good ol’ fashioned ‘shagging’ as I felt this is what they needed. And I bet you it is what they needed, and still do!
From the age of about 11 to 17, I had some serious sexual energy pulsing through my veins. I felt so powerfully. I loved so deeply. I desired so badly. I ached so heavily. From the day I discovered my clitoris, I was SO connected to my Yoni…and I wanted everyone else to be as well (to my detriment)! Although I learnt how to self pleasure from a young age, I didn’t learn how to channel my sexual energy (damn, I wish they taught you this stuff in high school). I did, however, certainly know how to channel it with other people (I am amazed I even passed school with the amount of time I spent either chasing boys or hooking up with them behind the school toilets).
I liked girls. I liked boys. I liked my teachers. I liked my friends Dad’s. I liked my friend’s brothers. I liked my friend’s brother’s friends. I liked my friend’s neighbours. I liked my soccer coach (who is now known as Jarryd James)! I liked the priest. I liked the boarding house manager. I like older guys. I liked younger guys. It didn’t matter how inappropriate – it was all fantasy-land for me and a means of energetically channelling my sexual energy, when I couldn’t do it physically (would you believe being at a Christian boarding school prevented me from fully expressing my sexuality!?). I also felt a lot of shame around my sexuality, because as far as I was concerned God hated me as it’s something I needed to save for marriage.
Either way, I was very connected to my Yoni. I touched her every day in the shower (it’s the only place in boarding school that you can get any privacy). I explored her. I shared her. I enjoyed her. I listened to her (a little too often at times). I loved her.
Even when I got into a long-term relationship during and after school, I still continued to explore my Yoni by going into sex shops and buying vibrators, dildos & outfits or going to Sexpo and buying a “show bag” with lots of random sex toys inside. My sexuality excited me and my connection with my Yoni was always very sexual; I often preferred making love to myself, because I felt I did it better than any guy I was dating.
Not only would I be able to turn myself on at any given opportunity, I would also turn other people on just by them being in my field. I “activated” their sexual energy with my flirtatiousness and seduction. I would also get aroused by just being in someone’s energy. I began to realise that sexual energy is not just physical, it’s energetic. It’s fluid! And has NOTHING to do with the way you look, and everything to do with the way you FEEL.
Often I would listen to what my Yoni wanted over what my heart wanted and I would get hurt a lot. Regularly I prioritised my Yoni’s needs over my heart’s needs and this caused so much heart break and a sense of shame as other women, especially in school, did not understand why I was the way I was. I would choose boys/men/dates/hook ups over friends as that’s where my priority laid (in serving my Yoni).
I did this for many years until I drew the parallel between my heart and my womb and how they both needed to be aligned for me to fully open myself emotionally or sexually to another person.
So after kissing a few {million} frogs in my 20s, I finally met my beautiful prince charming who I aligned with on all levels – sexually, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. At the time when we met, I had just discovered the REAL power of my Yoni, and not from being sexual with another person or from buzzing it with a vibrator…but from the Jade Egg! I had just fallen in love with this little egg shaped crystal that I began using for self pleasure purposes and was having really intense beautiful experiences with.
I had literally thrown out my vibrators and taken up the Jade Egg practice as my self loving healing method…and it was working! I knew I had a lot of negative stored energy in my Yoni from all the unconscious f*cks I had made my way through, and by using it regularly I began to release the old pain of letting too many people in without honouring my heart. The healing properties of Jade and the intention I infused into the egg transformed my relationship with my Yoni and the power within me.
Fast forward 12 months and I have completely shocked myself.
After falling so deeply in love and putting my relationship with my partner so high up on my priority list, I have done something I never thought I would do.
I abandoned my Yoni.
I realised this when…
- I hadn’t self pleasured in…months
- Sex was painful
- I began fantasying rather than fully feeling and being present with the sensations
- I refused to touch myself
- I stopped wearing my Yoni eggs
- I stopped using my Rose Quartz Wand
- I felt low in energy
- I was getting sick a lot
- I stopped feeling ‘sexual’ feelings or desires
- I started putting on weight
- PMS symptoms were at an all time high
Wow. What a huge revelation!
I realised how I was piling all my love, energy and desire into my work and my partner…and stopped giving it to myself! I was channeling my energy, or whatever energy I had left, into other people – my clients, my partner, etc. And this was screwing up my life force energy, which was screwing up with my passion and purpose.
My cup was completely empty.
I felt stagnant. Stale. Not present. Glazed over. Frustrated. Angry. Unsexy. Resentful. Hyper-emotional. Hypocritical.
And this wasn’t anyone else’s fault but my own ego’s crafty work of self sabotaging my happiness.
I had it in my mind that because I had a partner, I didn’t need to connect with my Yoni through self pleasure or meditation or Yoni egg practice anymore…because that’s HIS job.
How disempowering (and lazy) is that? Placing my Yoni power and satisfaction in someone else’s hands!?
I was going against everything I believed in. I was allowing my shadow (ego) to win! I became complacent.
Just because we fall in love or get into a relationship, doesn’t mean we should disconnect with our Yoni, our sexual energy, our Kundalini! If anything we should sustain and maintain a connection with her as that’s what is going to keep our relationship alive – most importantly our relationship with ourself.
I had also been so “busy” planning and organising a National Nude Yoga Tour, running a Kundalini Yoga course, a 4 week nude yoga course, coaching a full booking of clients, teaching classes at the studio, running an online shop and harnessing a happy, harmonious relationship and home life, that I left myself behind.
I forgot about ME and my sensuality, which is a direct link to my kundalini Shakti energy – and if this is lacking, then everything is lacking!
It hit me when a friend/healer gave me a hug and said “Wow, where has your Kundalini energy gone!??”
I felt so depleted…but kind of relieved of my realisation!
I realised…unless I serve, honour and value myself…I can’t give any of it to anyone else. Unless I fill up my own cup, I am useless to other people. Unless I tune back into the power of my Yoni AKA my Kundalini energy, I won’t have life force to share with others. Which is my soul purpose – serving others!
As with anything in life, awareness is the first step…then action, so be gentle and enjoy the process of reconnecting.
Time to ask yourself:
Are you connected with your Yoni / sacral chakra / kundalini energy?
Are you effectively channeling your sexual energy?
Are you prioritising yourself and your pleasure?
Are you empowered in your sexuality {with yourself}?
Are you relying on other people to fulfil you?
How can you honour yourself more fully and authentically?
Happy Yoni times!
Rx
