How to let go of your ex

I recently had a session with a client who was struggling letting go of her ex.

Logically she was over him. In her mind, she knew he was no good for her, repeating to me ‘he was a horrible boyfriend’, ‘I was virtually his mother’, ‘I stuck by him all those years and put up with his shit’, ‘What a waste of time and energy!’.

Rationality told her he was a dick and to get over him! But she couldn’t seem to get him out of her mind and felt she should be well and truly over it as it had been almost a year since the break up. Even though she broke up with him, she still kicked herself and thought in the back of her mind that they would eventually get back together again. That is until he got engaged soon after! Ouch…

Some weeks she was strong and didn’t think about him at all, then other weeks she would cave in and obsessionally stalk his Facebook page as well as his new fiance’s; giving her a fix AND a kick in the guts. She knew she wasn’t over it but had no idea what to do. A part of her felt her ego was bruised as she had been rejected. She also felt not good enough, thinking in her mind ‘why didn’t he choose me?’.

She explained how his presence felt involuntary, like he had a hold on her. Almost like his energy was attached onto her field and she couldn’t brush him off; a black cloud that wouldn’t stop following her around.

She was repeating the same worn out story in her mind over and over again – it was addictive. It was a familiar story to revert to. A woe-is-me story that filled the void. A story that she went back to often to try and piece the puzzle together – why it ended, how he met his new fiance, what she could have done differently – rehashing everything blow by blow that happened during their years together, especially the ending of the relationship.

She also had zero closure, which was a huge part of the problem, as she couldn’t move on.

So I told her it’s closure we’re gonna get her, without even seeing him!

Here are some tips I gave to my client from personal experience (please note that this example is from a females perspective, however is equally as powerful for the opposite sex!)

Forgiveness Meditation

Sit comfortably. Somewhere quiet without disturbance.

Envisage yourself as your highest version of YOU. What you look like, what you sound like, what you are wearing, how you’re sitting or standing, where you are (a white room always works for me or by a riverbank). Really get into character and imagine and visualise your divine higher being.

Then call in your ex, bring him into your room or space. Imagine his highest divine being – the best version of him! What does he look like, smell like, sound like etc.

He is right in front of you now. You’re looking into each other’s eyes.

Then, shifting into your minds eye (third eye of higher consciousness) tell him everything you feel. Get everything off your chest. Express it how you feel is appropriate (maybe it’s calm, maybe you yell and scream). I am usually quite calm during this process (I also usually cry here…) Show him where it hurts. Tell him how it made you feel. Take hold of his hand, or whatever feels right for you.

Once you have released everything you want to say, then let him talk. The answers will come intuitively to you from your divine. Or maybe he doesn’t talk at all. Whatever comes, will come naturally. He will say what he needs to say ‘I’m sorry’, ‘Please forgive me’ ‘Please release me’ ‘I didn’t know any better’ – just let him speak from his highest self.

Allow the forgiveness to enter. Forgiveness to him, and to yourself.

Once this process has finished and you feel like it’s time to say goodbye, give him a hug. Let him hug you. Embrace. Hold him. Stroke his neck. Then its time to let him go. Look down to your belly or torso and notice where the energetic chord attaching you to him is connected. After you are ready to say goodbye… get out a sword, scissors, a knife (whatever you want to break the chord with) and once he turns to walk away, cut the chord. Make a ceremony out of this. Watch him walk away / fade away / disappear.

Then sit with the feeling of how it feels to let him go.

Are you free?

Are you lighter?

Are you exhausted?

Are you sad?

Are you ecstatic?

Are you emotional?

Imagination is a powerful tool.

You can also refer to our Letting Go Meditation in our last blog.

Pity Binge
If the meditation is not your thing, allow yourself to let it all out by having a physical experience. Go cra-cra, berserk, nuts, mental. Have a binge on how much you feel sorry for yourself and how many years you wasted etc. Let it all out… cry, scream, punch a pillow, swear, go into a room and stomp! Chances are your friends are over hearing about it, and you’re probably over talking about it so just get it all out of your system then wake up the next morning feeling refreshed and determined to move onwards and upwards – without all that shit clouding your thoughts. The idea with a binge is you over-dose on the feeling/thoughts/emotions, so much so that you don’t want to experience them any more. If yelling and screaming isn’t your thing, then I believe writing a letter to the person and burning it or ripping it into shreds is a healing method of getting it out of your system. A friend of mine did this recently, mentioning there was a lot of ‘fucks’ and ‘cunts’ in the letter, in which she burned and threw into the river. Ahh how ceremonious and liberating!
Mind Power
This is the key. At the end of the day you hold the power and control to monitor your thoughts. You can allow your mind/brain to think of him/her or not. Your mind is a muscle and needs to be trained so have patience. I have realised this over the past month in which I have cold turkey given up coffee and alcohol – all by the power of my mind. So if I can do that, you can choose not to think about your ex (haha coffee withdrawals are not cool!) A tip is to replace the thought with an empowering thought, a plan or something that excites you (I suggest writing a list of your ideal man or woman and pinning it up on your wall to manifest into your life). Then reward yourself when you don’t think about them. Remember the more you think those thoughts, the more your mind will latch onto them because it’s familiar so the mind heads back on that same route as it doesn’t know any better and you have let it do so for so long. It’s like an addiction. Cold turkey those thoughts!

Be Gentle

Go easy on yourself. Allow yourself time to grieve. Take the time you need to be upset and experience the raw feelings of rejection, anger, pain, depression, anxiety etc. My client said she felt as though she was grieving a death and was suffering a loss. Essentially, break ups feel like a death as the person literally disappears out of your life; you stop seeing them, hearing from them, you’re blocked on Facebook, and they are ‘poof’ gone without a trace! Allow and accept yourself for where you are right now. You are exactly where you need to be. It’s perfect and divine.

White Light

Is his or her energy is still penetrating you? Do you feel them with you at times? How does that make you feel? Even though you might not be physically with them or around them, their energy is still stuck on you and will stay there until you cleanse it off or stop allowing it to be ther

I suggest casting a white light bubble around you to protect you. Imagine his or her black cloud outside of your bubble, unable to penetrate your being or aura. According to medical intuitive Belinda Davidson:

The White Light is a gentle yet powerful healing energy. It transforms all ‘negativity’ or negative situations into positive ones, therefore creating health, prosperity, happiness, success and beauty for all those who work with it.

The White Light is also called the ‘ultimate harmonizer’, because it brings everything into perfect balance. People who use the White Light experience profound peace and harmony in their lives.

Gradually his or her energy will fade, and you will be in your full, glowing, radiant power.

At the end of the day, different things work well for different people. In my coaching I lead my clients to find their own remedy, however if I receive signs from my divine I will always channel those pieces of advice as nothing is a coincidence…

Remember, being single is an extremely powerful and empowering time in your life. A time to focus on YOU, be selfish and grow spiritually, emotionally and physically.

Your time is NOW.
Rosie x