embracing singledom.

Whether you’re fresh out of a relationship of you’ve been a one-man-band for years, there are millions of questions surrounding being single. While I believe it is in our biological programming to be in a relationship or with a companion, times are changing and it is vitally important that we embrace being single and not think any less of ourselves just because we don’t have a partner. A lot of traditional, cultural and religious views support the ‘get married and have babies’ notion – because that’s what you do after a few years in a relationship right? Mmmm, not so much anymore. More and more women and men are opting to wait to settle down until they’re a bit older…and a bit wiser.

If anyone read Sarah Wilson’s recent blog post It’s Better To Fall in Love Later, you would be nodding (or fist pumping) right now. Sarah Wilson, an acclaimed Australian journalist, television presenter and active blogger well known for her ‘I Quit Sugar’ program, expressed her frustrations at people always asking her why she wasn’t in a relationship and implying that something is “wrong” with her if she is single. Pushing forty, she explains how everyone seems to have an opinion on how it is just plain odd that she is not married, because she is so damn ‘fit’ as someone put it! Just because she is a successful, beautiful, smart woman doesn’t mean she has to have a hubby to be happy in her life. People can be so judgemental when you’re not adhering to society’s norm. So kudos to her!

I am of the stance that you might have to kiss a few (dozen) toads to find your prince or princess charming. Obviously, my hat goes off to the lucky people who find him/her on their first encounter; however I believe there are lots of fish in the sea, and we have numerous soul mates during our life time – some friends, lovers, karmic or romantic. In saying that I also come from the opinion that there is a ‘The One’ out there for everyone or someone who is more suited to you than anyone else on Earth and when you find them it will gel like never before. One of my girlfriends explained it like glue…she said when she found ’the one’, they just stuck together. There was no talk of ‘are we together?’, ‘what are we?’ etc., she said that from their first meeting, they glued together and that was it – no talk of labels or when the next date was going to be. People bang on about ‘it just felt right’, ‘you just…know’, and if you haven’t had that feeling before you find yourself turning green with envy and eye-rolling at this persons sickening love-found happiness. You might have even had that Charlotte from Sex and the City moment where she ‘s sitting around the table with her girlfriends and exasperates ‘I’ve been dating since I was 15. I’m exhausted. Where is he!?’ Yep, been there done that!

I guarantee it will happen, maybe not today or tomorrow but one day, you will find that mystical white knight. On the contrary, if you sit on your ass and wait around all day, not going out socialising with friends, going on dates or doing what you love (embracing being single)…you probably won’t find them. One of women’s biggest frustrations in dating…is actually meeting someone. Where? How? Who? When? As humans I believe we need to be in a constant state of growth, progression and forward motion, even if it’s just a little bit. Once we stop and are not growing, whether it be physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, or even monetary and career-wise, that’s when life get’s stale. Just think about it like water. When you’re out bush walking, it’s safer to drink the running water because it’s fresh and being filtered or purified while it is moving over the rocks. Whereas water sitting still in a pond gets stagnant and full of bacteria, algae, parasites and other water-borne diseases like malaria and dengue. You get my case? So if you are putting yourself out there, progressing in your own special life, doing what you love, growing as a person…chances are you will eventually meet (but not is your desperately looking!). The Law of attraction tells us that certain souls seek each other out and neither race, nor creed, nor family background or any variety of differences will deflect certain karmic connections. That is, you won’t need to search….your souls and energy will find eachother. Yeh, yeh a bit hippy I know!

Some people love being single, some people hate it. More often than not, it’s the latter and Brigette Jones didn’t help the matter. However, I feel it is starting to turn around! I think people are starting to value their me-time and are gently easing into the idea that being in a relationship or marriage is not the be all and end all. One of the best pieces of advice I remember from my Mum is to enjoy my 20s! She always said there is no rush to settle down, as there is plenty of time for that later. Besides, it’s tough to fit it in to our busy Gen Y schedules these days:

You’re 17/18 years old when you finish high school, then you’re busy “studying” at University for the next 4-5 years (sometimes more, especially because one degree isn’t enough these days), then you decide you want to travel and live overseas for a “gap-year” or two, and then you come home and think ‘shit, I’ve got to ween myself off student bars and snakebites, get a good job, succeed and make some money to buy a house or a car and climb that fun-filled corporate ladder!’ So by the time you drag your broke-ass scummy backpacker butt home to your parent’s spare bedroom in suburbia, you’re at least 25 or pushing 30 depending on how many years you get lost living in London, with a credit card debt and not a thought in the world about a wife/husband and kids! In fact the very thought scares the shit out of you. This might be a huge generalisation, however the Gen Y’s I know (myself included) have more often than not embarked on this path at some point or another.

I digress. So if you’re single and hating on life, stop and read below! Hell look how happy Katie Holmes looks now since being out of Tom Cruises’ scientologist babble BS dictatorship. Being single certainly has it’s strong points; some of the pros to name a few…

  • Get some clarity and tune into yourself – it’s in this time that you will probably figure out what you want to do with your life
  • Enjoy your freedom and me-time (yes, you can finally be selfish!)
  • Spend more time for your friends and family – make these special people your ‘white knight’ as Carrie Bradshaw put’s it!
  • Enjoy the absense of compromise and sacrifice
  • Be spontaneous. Be bold. Make your fantasies come true (you wanna learn the guitar? Go learn the guitar!)
  • Spend more time on your passions, hobbies or whatever you really like to spend time doing
  • Don’t be a prude…go on dates and don’t be too picky. Lose the criteria checklist and embrace trial and error, at least then you’ll figure out who you don’t want
  • Go and have fun. Stop facebook creeping all those people who are engaged and popping out babies and get out there!

At the end of the day we all love to be loved and to experience intimacy, connection and companionship, however it all starts with YOU and loving who YOU are.


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