Have you ever been exploring physically with a partner for the first time and things start getting hot and heavy and you wonder if you are ready to go further? It may feel as if you have to choose between limited options:
– Continue the flow of sexual energy and proceed to oral sex or intercourse, even if you are not fully ready to take things a step further with this new partner
– Stop everything completely and decide to take it slow
Fortunately, this does not have to be the case thanks to one of my favourite techniques: Mutual masturbation. Along with giving you a fun way to explore with a new partner, it also offers a host of benefits when performed with your current partner.
What Is Mutual Masturbation?
Mutual masturbation involves self-stimulation in front of or with a partner. It can be an absolutely phenomenal tool for exploring intimacy with a new (or old) partner.
Mutual masturbation might just be one of the steamiest, intimate sexual acts. It can be done in just about any context: slowly, quickly, passionately, across the room from one another, out of sight of one another, right next to each other. It is all about what you and your partner find comfortable — and sexy!
While so many of us were taught that touching ourselves was to be done in private (or not at all!), learning to stimulate yourself in front of a partner can be extremely empowering, freeing, and a great way of bonding and making yourselves vulnerable to one another.
Here are five delicious reasons why mutual masturbation is a wonderful practice to incorporate in your relationships:
1. It Helps You Know If You Want to go Further With This Partner In the Future
Mutual masturbation gives you a great indicator of whether or not you are sexually compatible for the future. Here are some great questions to ask to help gauge your compatibility:
- Did you have fun?
- Did you bring each other pleasure?
- Did you feel safe at all times?
- Did you feel completely comfortable?
- Did you feel fully respected?
- Did your partner seem comfortable?
Perhaps you did not enjoy it, felt unsafe, or just weren’t into it. Now you can step back before having to go any further with this partner.
2. It Helps Maintain Intimacy In Long Distance Relationships
Traveling for work? Living apart from your partner? Long-distance is challenging mentally, but the physical aspect is also important to address. Skype, phone calls, and text messages can only help you so much.
Mutual masturbation to the rescue! Watching each other masturbate can do wonders for making the distance between you and your partner feel less daunting. With new technology has even created toys that allow you to physically control vibrations on the other toy, making it feel as if you and your partner are truly connected.
3. It Makes Sex About More Than Penetration
So many times we think of sex as a penis penetrating a vagina. But so many other forms of intimacy get missed when couples simply rush straight to penetration.
Spending time with genital massage, touching yourself in whatever way you desire, and showing your partner what you enjoy can be profoundly healing and encouraging since many women have been conditioned to put a partner’s needs ahead of their own.
4. It Builds Trust And Closeness
Letting your partner watch you masturbate can be a huge step in your relationship. Practicing something that is typically done in secret builds trust and enhances communication between partners.
It is okay to take your time building up to it, but once you can fully open up with each other, I guarantee you will feel closer to each other afterward and liberated in a way you have probably never felt before!
5. It Shows Your Partner Exactly What You Like
Nobody knows what you like better than you do. Communicating during sex is of huge importance, but sometimes it is best to let your body do the talking!
Letting your partner observe you touching yourself can be a huge learning experience for them and, ultimately, can lead to a partner that knows exactly what gets you off.
Perhaps your partner assumed you loved clitoral stimulation, but they notice you focused solely on other areas. Or maybe your partner thought you like fast, rough pressure when you actually perform longer, slower strokes on yourself.
Allowing your partner to watch you speaks volumes as to what you prefer in the bedroom and can serve as the ultimate gift to one another.
How To Do Mutual Masturbation
If you are curious about how to start mutual masturbation with your partner, here are some tips:
- Touch yourself while watching your partner – You can lie a little bit apart or right next to your partner while you both touch yourselves. If you are slightly nervous in the beginning, this is okay. You could dim the lights for now, but definitely work up to adding more lighting in the future as this adds an even deeper layer of intimacy — and it’s just plain hot!Along with touching, it can be a huge turn-on — for both yourself and your partner — to verbalize out loud what you are fantasizing about as you touch yourself.
- Take turns exchanging genital massage – Allow yourself to relax completely as you let each other explore and caress each other’s genitals. This is a gentle way of sharing sexual energy, practicing open communication, learning each other’s touch preferences, and building trust.There is something especially beautifully and bonding about touching yourself with one hand and touching your partner with the other!
- Take turns on each other – Along with sharing equal focus between each other, take turns where you focus solely on yourself or your partner. For example, as you are touching yourself with both hands, have your partner focus on you as well by stroking your thighs, butt, or genitals with both of their hands.
3 Tips to Make Mutual Masturbation Awesome
Before you begin, there are a few ways to ensure mutual masturbation is as comfortable, fun, and pleasurable as possible. Try incorporating these three tips to help you gain confidence.
1. Clearly Communicate Intentions Before Starting
The first step is to let your partner know you are interested in mutual masturbation. If you aren’t sure how to bring up the subject, you can try saying something like:
- “I would love to explore our bodies together and show you exactly what I like. Can we try?”
Or you can take a more direct approach:
- “The thought of getting myself off while you watch is a huge turn on for me. Want to watch?”
From my experience, most people are quite excited at the thought of watching their partner. If your partner seems offended or uncomfortable, you can approach the subject again later. Or, take it as a red flag and find a partner who is more encouraging and supportive of your desires and needs.
2. Be Specific
Be clear about what you like — and do not like. There is no need to pretend to like a certain movement or touch. Simply be honest about what is working and what isn’t.
Don’t be shy about asking for what you need or asking your partner what they need. That is all part of the trust-building and bonding of this process.
3. Obtain Consent
Agree with your partner to always check in with each other before trying something different. A great way to phrase this is by asking something along the lines of:
- “I think it would be amazing to
. How does that sound to you?”
If you aren’t quite into a request your partner suggests, you can keep the sexual energy flowing by suggesting something slightly different rather than giving a flat out “no”.
Embrace Yourself and Your Sexual Power
My entire passion in life is helping women realise their feminine power and beauty. As always, I commend you for taking the time to explore and learn more about yourself.
Browse my blog for further inspiration and tips on fully loving and embracing yourself and your sexuality or consider joining my facebook group. This private group is dedicated to answering all of your most intimate questions in a safe setting.