4 Reasons to Slow Down Your Sex
Last night we held a magical Couples Nude Yoga workshop in Perth, and it was themed on SLOWING IT DOWN. (Check out my Instagram to check out the beautiful set-up!)
In every possible way.
We had 9 brave couples join us on a journey into connective movement, meditation, synced breath, partner yoga, ancient tantric practices and authentic sharing (my favourite bit).
We asked each person:
When was the last time you spent 3 whole hours with your partner in close connection without distraction…naked? (and sleeping doesn’t count).
Probably not in a LONG time, or ever…
One couple admitted to not having done it since they got married, many years ago.
As a collective, we are so disconnected and distracted – our mobile phones are practically our third limb and we prioritise work over love — especially love-making.
One participant admitted to working 90 hour weeks!
In response, I said to him:
“No one ever got to a ripe old age and wished they had worked more.”
I felt everyone needed to hear this.
Our relationships are taking a back-seat and making money, providing, working and being busy are taking precedence.
Let’s face it, we all need to SLOWWWW DOWWWWN.
Not just our work, but also our mind, our speaking, our breath, and especially our sex.
And here are 5 reasons why…
1. The slower your sex, the longer he will last.
Most men who suffer from premature ejaculation or sexual dysfunction, do so because they feel pressured to perform in a certain way; the “porno” way. They get up in their head and think about what they should be doing rather than what they are doing — it pulls them out of the present moment and into their monkey-mind (an instant sex killer).
Information update guys: jackrabbit thrusting might pleasure you, but I guarantee it doesn’t pleasure your woman…at least not after a long duration! “Research suggests that, on average, men orgasm through intercourse in about 2 minutes of active thrusting,” says sex therapist Joel Block, Ph.D., with women, on the other hand, taking an average of 14 minutes to climax.
Looking at the stats, there appears to be a 12 minute discrepancy, which I feel can greatly be rectified by slowing it down. And did you know that hard and fast thrusting causes painful friction and actually desensitises the penis and can potentially cause vaginal scarring?
If that’s not a big enough reason to slow down…
2. It induces stronger, full-body, life-changing orgasms
We all know most women take a lot longer to orgasm than men, generally speaking. Thus, when we consciously slow down our love-making, we create the time and space for the woman to fully drop into her body, out of her mind and to deeply and powerfully…surrender.
5 minute sex, 15 minute sex, heck even 30 minute sex doesn’t allow a woman to be “fucked open to God”. It might allow for a “genital sneeze” to occur, but certainly nothing transformational.
And why can’t we have mind-blowing, epic full-body, altered-state orgasms every time?
The longer the sex and the slower the sex, the more chances the woman will reach an orgasm, but not just any old orgasm, a transformational one! It’s only been during slow sex that I have ever been able to reach G-spot, full body or cervical orgasms. The slower you make sex, the more times you get close to the edge, the more stronger the release will be when you finally orgasm.
And these are the healing orgasms that vibrate through our entire body, not just our clitoris! (however, no clitoris shaming here – article on that soon!)
3. It creates safety & presence
Firstly, for a woman to be vulnerable and surrender she must feel safe in the space and presence of her man or wo-man.
To feel safe, a woman needs to feel loved, caressed, listened to, attended to, cared for and respected — and that is all created in the time, the space and the presence held.
It’s very hard to create that high level of safety, intimacy and connection in 5 minutes. In fact, did you know that it takes up to 48 – 72 hours of lead up time (AKA foreplay) to create optimal love-making?
YEP! And I learnt that in my Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training.
It’s science. The best thing you can do?
Look into her eyes…
4. You will feel more intimately connected with your partner
When you slow down your sex with your partner, you will ultimately feel more connected to them…than ever.
It’s not rocket science.
It’s such a simple method of creating happier, healthier relationships, but because of our sexual conditioning of hard & fast, male-pleasure-focused, goal-oriented sex depicted in porn and movies…unfortunaely we’ve all been VERY miseducated. Especially men.
Slow sex is HIGHLY arousing; much moreso than hard and fast sex.
Not just from the physical sensations of the slowness and tenderness, but also from the happy hormones that are released (oxytocin) from feeling close, held, embraced and…lovingly penetrated.
Mmmm, lovingly penetrated!
So how do we do this?
Good question! I’ve included some hot tips below to get you on your way to having slow sex with your beloved.
- If you have a hesitant, sceptical partner, firstly invite him (or her) to read this article.
- Come to our next Couples Nude Yoga workshop! Dates can be found here.
- Read the book “Slow Sex” by Nicole Daedone and look up “OMing”.
- Set the intention with your partner to enter into slow sex – it doesn’t just happen.
- Schedule, yes, schedule slow sex at least once a week. Sundays are a good day…
- Create the space. Make it a beautiful nest with cushions and pillows and candles and warmth.
- Do some soul-gazing first and foremost. Simply sit cross-legged opposite each other and stare into each other’s eyes (5 minutes to begin with and then build up!).
- Explore conscious touch with listening hands – maybe blind fold each other?
- Allow the penetration to be slow, smooth, soft. If he goes flaccid, don’t fear…he will get hard again. Use your “love muscles” to squeeze on his cock to turn him on and prolong the sensations.
I would love to hear your side of the story — where do you need to slow down?
Where can you consciously slow down in your life?
In your relationship?
In the bedroom?
Comment in the section below!
Love Rosie x
P.S. Click on the image above to check out the Nude Yoga tour dates for Brisbane, Gold Coast and Sunshine Coast for October 2016!